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Living Within My Means: Cleaning Up Is Hard to Do

02.19.2012 by J. Doe // 1 Comment

When The Departed left – abruptly – he left one big thing behind: debt. A great big steaming, stinking pile of debt.

A huge luxury car I don’t really need for just two people. Debt on my credit card for things we agreed on together. A mortgage it became rapidly apparent he no longer intended to pay.

There were other bills, too – like the new cell phone service we signed up for, and the cable package for eight gazillion channels of TV that mostly he watched.

And so on.

Some of these items, I am stuck with: jointly titled things, like my car, that I would sell if I could in the interest of reducing costs, but I can’t sell without his signature. I’ve been trying to get him to discuss the Big Picture so I can resolve these issues, but he has no interest in this whatever.

He wants to discuss who the Cuisinart really belongs to.  Other things he needs urgently include: skis, his iPhone 4S, a cocktail shaker.

I do up a spreadsheet and look for ways to reduce my budget, and what I find is that my costs are inflating – everywhere. Suddenly, I have to take my daughter to before and after school care – $300 a month. I have to pay babysitters if I want to go anywhere. I no longer get a multi-car discount on my car insurance, which is due, conveniently, right now.

And so on.

Meanwhile, he really needs a Cuisinart. He sends letters via his lawyer about this. I’m not sure why, because he’s never actually used one or, as far as I can see,  cooked anything other than eggs. I’m reluctant to turn it over to him because a) I actually use it and b) I suspect he wants to “accidentally” slice off a finger with it and then sue me.

I’m looking at my spreadsheet and if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that I can’t afford to be sued right now. The places I would like to cut*, and would probably save the most money cutting – mortgage and car – I cannot cut without his cooperation.

One of the biggest expenses I see: my cleaning lady.

Okay, she’s not the best cleaning lady in the world, I grant you. She shows up every week – usually. She’s mostly on time. She misses strange things, such as a few cobwebs that are really impossible to miss – yet there they are. She breaks things sometimes, which drives me crazy.

She emigrated from Bosnia after the war there with her husband and four daughters, one of whom she is putting through college right now. Her English is so-so, but I have never heard her use an unkind word with it. She brings me food she made herself, and gives my daughter gifts for Christmas that she can’t possibly afford on what I pay her. And I know that a couple of her best clients went belly-up in the current recession – one of them was indicted.

She felt really bad about that. He was a nice man, she said, very generous.

I cannot let her go, I don’t have the heart – but I can barely pay her at the moment. I decide to simply cut her hours back.

I procrastinate. I’m not very good at laundry, vacuuming, or dishes, but if there were a Procrastination Olympiad, I would medal in every single event.

I make excuses through November – it’s Thanksgiving, who’s going to clean up after the turkey bomb goes off in my kitchen? I put it off.

December, meanwhile, is Christmas – pine needles, wrapping paper. A party at my house. Other people’s parties! I can’t miss them to, you know, clean. Plus, I’m no Scrooge.

I put it off some more.

Finally, it’s January, and cold, hard reality starts to sink in. My heating bills are astronomical, and worse – my daughter has to move to middle school next year, and I cannot afford it. I have to fill out financial aid forms and ask other people for money. And there are other people who deserve it more, I have no doubt.

Like my cleaning lady. The one with the daughter in college.

After her first visit in February, I pay her and then say, I have to talk to you about your schedule. I am going to have to cut back your hours. I don’t want to, but, well, you understand the situation.

She says, Oh, don’t you worry! I knew it would happen. I rather come here less but see you happy when I come – and you are happy now, without him.

When she leaves, she is smiling as she says, I’ll see you in two weeks.

 

*starting with his finger.

Categories // The Divorce Tags // divorce, single

All By Myself: O Christmas Tree, Part 2

02.07.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

Two weeks after the Great Tree Farm Incident, I have my annual Christmas cookies exchange. My friend Diane is there with her long-time boyfriend Scott.

They compliment my tree. I tell my tree story.

Scott says, Next year, you should come to my tree farm. I’ll cut it for you. Just let me know you’re coming.

I ask, You own a tree farm? Since when?

About twenty years, he says.

I’ve known him for seven years.

Categories // All By Myself Tags // holidays, single

All By Myself: O Christmas Tree

02.06.2012 by J. Doe // 4 Comments

I was excited about Christmas in a way I had not been for a long time.

For years, Christmas was about purchasing gifts for his family – five nieces and nephews from whom I never any acknowledgments. His children, who sneered at most of the gifts they received, except for the expensive ones. Sometimes they didn’t even bother taking them home. But even better, I also had to come up with gift ideas, and eventually purchase, gifts for the children on behalf of his parents, who “thought it would be easier” that way.

And then there were the gifts for The Departed, who didn’t laugh at my funny stocking stuffers and had so few hobbies or interests that finding anything  was next to impossible. Once I found him a really cool antique map of a town where his ancestors lived – many of the farms marked with their names. He never framed it.

This year, though, was different. I could just find stuff for my loved ones. Fun stuff. Geek stuff. Whimsical stuff.

This year, there would be no Christmas spreadsheet.

The first and most important thing in any Christmas is, of course, the tree, and my daughter decided that the one thing we had to do the same as last year – because it’s what we do every year – was go cut down our own tree. This seemed like a good idea – I mean, it’s fun and how hard could it be, right?

The plan: We’re going to go to the Christmas tree farm, find the best tree they have and bring it home, and then my friend Sara – the cop – is going to come over and help us decorate it. I was a little concerned about the whole putting-a-tree-on-top-of-my-car-and-getting-it-home-without-it-falling-off-and-causing-a-major-traffic-incident thing – but otherwise, the plan seemed reasonable.

I can do this.

We got to the Tree Farm, and my daughter ran off to retrieve a bow saw for me. It was kind of old-looking and I’m a bit uncertain.

My phone pings with a text message.

Sara: Still on for tonight?

Me: Yes. At tree farm now.

Now, I not only have an eager eleven-year-old armed with a bow saw, I have a date with a cop. I’m committed.

I will have a tree.

We tromp off to find ourselves the best tree on the farm … because another things we always do is get the best tree on the farm. We wander. We find good trees, to be sure – but look! there are more trees over there. Have we found the best tree yet?

It took a while, but we found it. It was at the far edge of the tree farm – almost, but not quite, as far as you could get from the main entrance and car park. I tell the kid to hold the trunk while I saw.

I imagine how this will work  – push, pull, push, pull the saw, followed by a gentle toppling of the tree. The saw has other ideas. To start with, this saw only does pull, not push, so I have to pull, disengage, reposition, and pull again.

It goes slowly.

I think maybe I am not doing this right. I swear every other year I’ve watched this done, the saw goes push, pull, push, pull. I try angling the saw differently. My daughter offers to try sawing.  I try holding it with both hands. My daughter tells me I’m doing it wrong. I try it with my left hand. My daughter says I think I should go get help.

I resume pull, pull, pull with my right hand.

My daughter says, it didn’t take this long last year.

My right shoulder hurts.

My phone pings in my pocket.

Sara: What can I bring tonight?

Me: A tree. This one is not cooperating.

Sara: Want me to taze it?

I glare at the tree. See, tree? Cooperate or else! But then I realize I’ve already killed it, or nearly killed it, so I’m not sure it’s going to be concerned about a mere taze.

Pull, pull, pull, pull.

My daughter says, Mommy, can I go get some help now?

Yes.

She skips gaily through the trees while I rub my aching shoulder and catch my breath. I really want to just pretend this never happened: return the saw and drive to the hardware store, where they have pre-cut trees that they deliver for a small fee. I’m about halfway through the trunk, though, and feeling guilty about what I’ve done to this tree. I can’t just leave it here.

My daughter returns with a tall teenage boy armed with a bow saw. He’s got a total poker face, for which I am extremely grateful, and immediately sets about finishing what I’ve started. The tree topples about a minute later. He loads it on his shoulder and we walk with him to the entrance and car park.

Wow, he says. You went quite a distance.

I’m sorry, I say. Does this happen a lot, that you have to help people?

Not really, he replies, still poker faced. But it’s good exercise.

We get back to our car, where he helps me get the tree on top of my car, and gives me twine to tie it with, and starts off to help the next customer.

Wait, I say. I fish in my pocket and pull out a $20: $2 for the cutting and hauling, $18 for the not laughing at me.

Thanks, I tell him.

He lights up. Thank you, he replies.

We get the tree home, and after waging a brief battle with the tree stand, it is standing majestically in our living room.

My daughter beams. Sara and I drink wine and eat pizza. We light a fire. My daughter decorates.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Categories // All By Myself Tags // holidays, single

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