Hate is a strong word and shouldn’t be used lightly – and I’m not.

I hate Him.

If you knew the reasons why, you would understand.

But I can’t tell you, and I’m sorry about that, because you’re here and listening and I have so much to say to you. The lawyer has asked me not to, until everything is settled.

When I say “asked” what I mean is “insisted.”

When I hired the lawyer and began the divorce process, I warned him up front: I have a story to tell you that will make you uncomfortable. It makes everyone uncomfortable. I’m warning you because I cannot stand the way people flinch when I tell them – so since I’m paying you and all, I’d prefer if you didn’t flinch.

He said, I’ve been in this business for twenty years, I’ve heard just about everything.

So I said, not this. And I told him.

He conceded my point. I would have preferred not to have had the upper hand on that one, but I guess I’ll enjoy the little victories where I get them.

But he didn’t flinch, so I hired him.

I am counting the days until arbitration: Fourteen. I guess I should wait until everything is signed, sealed, and delivered, which will be a while after that.

One thing I’m not doing is signing anything that would prevent me from speaking.

I want to tell you. I wish I could.