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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way from the Arbitration

11.14.2012 by J. Doe // 1 Comment

A funny thing happens over the next few days: my luck changes.

On Friday, to my surprise and amazement, I receive an annual performance review filled with nothing but positive comments and an upbeat outlook.

On Saturday, I attend a lineage society meeting, where I share my news with a few people: It’s over, I can stay in my house. The ladies are thrilled for me, and hug me, and one of them gives me a gift on the spot: A wine tasting party for 25 people at a local winery. She bought it at a fundraiser and it was about to expire, and who needed a party more than me, she said.

The certificate arrived in my mailbox two days later. That same week, another item appeared in my box – some old family photos from a distant cousin who had ignored my past requests for them, made it clear she didn’t want to deal with me. There was a letter along with them, which ended, “Please keep in touch, if you’d like to.”

I checked in with my neighbor about the rats, asking if they’d like to look at services or what we should do, and receive a reply: We’ve got a handyman who will deal with this cheap, he’s great – would you like us to send him to you?

Great, I say. Perfect.

I start to send out invitations to the wine tasting, and slowly receive replies: At first, people mostly view the evite and don’t reply, waiting to see who is coming. But then, slowly, a small crowd starts to form, and then a bigger one. I become bold, and invite a couple I haven’t see in a long time. Yes, they say, great to hear from you. I invite a new member of my lineage society who seems nice but I haven’t really talked to much. I have plans that day, she says, but I’d love to meet for coffee.

So we make other plans, and have a wonderful morning one day, and make still more plans.

And then, I muster up all the courage I have, and send an evite to The Lawyer.

Categories // All By Myself Tags // single

…And Waiting for Rats

09.28.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

I think the hacking thing is under control. The rats, I’m not so sure about.

I want to leave land mines for them, too – or rather, bait stations filled with tasty morsels that will send them off elsewhere to savor their meals and slip into oblivion. Don’t bother lecturing me about catch-and-release traps or what have you. It would be one thing if it were, I don’t know, kittens. These aren’t kittens.

They’re the same size, but the resemblance ends there.

I call several pest control services, and they all tell me the same thing: We can be there as soon as you want us, but there’s no point in us coming out once. You need to commit to a service for some period of time.

The people with the best price want me – no surprise – to commit to the longest time, a year.

I have no idea if I’ll be living here in a year. I don’t know if I’ll be living here at Halloween, for chrissake.

I’ll know soon enough, of course. And I remind myself it’s unlikely there are rats in the house, because I would have heard them in the walls and floors.

I listen a lot.

And wait.

 

Categories // All By Myself Tags // rats

…Waiting for Hackers

09.27.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

After the hacking, we – meaning my father – get the website up and running again. I ask about checking the log files on the site (I parlez a little technologese), and he says, I’ve got a better idea.

Sometimes, he says, war calls for land mines.

I have no clue what he’s talking about, but I picture myself romping around circuitry like that kid in Home Alone, and that seems like more fun than I’ve been having lately, so count me in.

He explains: Whoever hacked the site will probably be back. When they come back, we’ll be waiting. Or rather, the software will. It’s a two-way connection – they connect to our machines, we connect to theirs.

This isn’t making a lot of sense to me. I don’t want to, say, load a virus on his computer. Who cares? The Departed – if it was him – doesn’t care about anything. It’s not even his machine, he’s probably using his company machine. If it’s him. And if it is him on his company machine, hacking a website run by his ex-wife in order to harass her, I’m willing to wager that his employer would be very interested in knowing that.

Me too, says my father. But it’s much easier and probably more effective if we let our server tell them.

And so I wait.

Categories // All By Myself Tags // hacking

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