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Back on the Bike Trail: Sights Unseen

01.17.2013 by J. Doe // 2 Comments

The Child sings in a choir, which means I shuttle her to rehearsals as well as concerts. The first year she sang with the choir – about three years ago – she had a fall concert in the Ravenna neighborhood of Seattle, which I don’t know well. She had to be delivered for practice and then the concert followed two hours later.

Basically, this left The Departed and me with two hours to kill in an unfamiliar neighborhood; this being Seattle, we decided a cup of coffee was in order. He suggested we go get some coffee at Starbucks.

We walked from the concert hall toward an area where I thought we’d passed some shops on the way.

After a couple of blocks, we saw some small shops, and crossed the street to check them out. One of them was a coffee shop with a funky vibe: mismatched chairs and a handwritten sign announcing free wifi within. Hipster types were scattered about with lattes and laptops. We both looked in the window.

We can get coffee here, I said. Shall we try it?

He said nothing, and simply kept walking in the same direction as before.

After a couple more blocks, I asked what we were looking for.

You said there was a Starbucks up this way, he said.

It wasn’t what I said, but it being Seattle, it was probably a correct statement, so I kept silent and we kept walking.

Finally we saw a Starbucks sign, and sure enough, there was one: inside a supermarket. With no seats. The kind of Starbucks where you grab your latte on the way back out to your car. Not the kind where you sit and relax and have a nice chat over a cup of coffee because you have two hours to kill.

Well, he said, let’s get a cup of coffee.

There’s no place to sit, I said.

Well, there aren’t any other Starbucks around here, he said.

What was wrong with the little coffee place we passed? I demanded.

We didn’t pass any coffee place, he said firmly.

Not only did we pass it, I told him, you looked in the window.

No, I didn’t.

I think I must be mistaken because he’s adamant: We passed no coffee shop. But we walk back toward the concert hall because I refuse to stand in a supermarket with a latte in my hand.

He doesn’t understand that the acquisition of a cup of coffee is not the actual point of getting a cup of coffee.

We pass the coffee shop again on the way back. This coffee shop, I tell him. What was wrong with this? There are seats and actual ceramic cups.

It wasn’t here before, he says.

It was here and you looked in the window, I say. I see a bit of a light flicker but it isn’t a light of remembrance, it’s a light of realization that his version of events is utterly implausible. Nobody built a coffee shop and filled it with hipsters and wifi in the last five minutes.

I don’t know how that happened, he said. Why didn’t you say something instead of walking around looking for Starbucks?

I did, I tell him, but then I turn my attention to the free wifi and my iPad. The coffee here may be amazing, but it is no longer possible for me to enjoy it.

I mention all of this because on the first weekend of the New Year, The Child announced that her resolution was to do more bike riding, meaning I got to load up the bikes and drive us to the bike trail. I’m fine with this as the weather is halfway decent and I’ve been itching to get out and enjoy it. Once I remember how to load the bikes on the rack and recover from nearly putting the handlebar through my rear window, we go off riding.

It’s a great ride, a bit chilly but we spot a hawk high in the bare tree branches looking for his lunch. The trail is fairly empty so it’s a nice peaceful ride: us, the hawk, some ducks here and there, and the occasional other cycler or dog walker. We go as far as we can north, then turn and backtrack to my car.

As we head south, we pass The Departed, cycling north.

I look right in his face. We are the only people around.

He does not see me, nor the child whose stepfather he was for eight years.

He does not see anything he did not expect to see.

Which explains why he never really saw me, either.

Categories // All By Myself, Scenes From A Marriage Tags // biking, divorce, marriage, single

Walking The Dog, Slowly

12.19.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

The Dog starts having accidents around the house. They are always in the same place, near the back door, where he is usually let out into the yard to do what he needs to. So far, it has only happened when we were away a bit too long.

I vow to be more careful about making sure he gets out more often, and right before I leave if I’m stepping out for a while.

One day, as I’m getting ready to leave, I realize: I used to take him with me everywhere in the car. At some point, for some reason I don’t quite recall, I stopped, and then it stopped being a habit, and then he stopped expecting to leave with me.

I take a couple days off work to do things before the holidays, and since I’m at my leisure, and I can once again maneuver around my garage, I put The Dog in the back of my car. He can go with me to the hardware store.

He doesn’t like sitting in the passenger seat anymore, he’s very arthritic now and can’t seem to get comfortable. He tries to climb into the back of the car, but needs my help to do it.

I’m in no hurry. When he’s settled in, I drive off. I glance at him in the back, and he’s alert, looking around, feeling the motion of the car. He can’t hear much any more, but his other senses are fine, and he’s happy.

The brief ride exhausts him, and he sleeps for the rest of the day.

We do the same the next day when I go to the post office. I have to lift him into the back of the car – a Mini, not a big jump, but still, too much. Afterward, again, he’s exhausted, but also, very, very happy.

I used to walk with him every morning, a long brisk walk that was my time: My exercise, my head-clearing, my time with The Dog. I find it difficult to take those walks now; The Departed’s main contribution to parenting was driving The Child to school in the morning, which I must now do.

Of course I could walk him at other times, and I do, but it’s difficult. The Dog’s stroke slowed him down considerably, and his arthritis became more severe. The walks mostly consist of taking a few brisk steps and then standing still, in the dark and rain, waiting for The Dog to catch up, watching him meander and sniff things. Lots of leash-tugging and Hurry Up‘s that were mostly for venting frustration, since The Dog cannot hear them.

After seeing his joy in the car,  I take him for an evening walk. He’s ecstatic when he sees the leash, though he no longer wags to show his enthusiasm. I miss our long brisk walks and I miss his wagging.

We walk slowly and I can see the effort it takes him and also the joy in his meandering. I don’t pull him or try to speed him. I just watch him sniff at things and look up, happily.

He keeps moving. He knows I want him to keep moving but sometimes it is too much for him. I lean over and adjust his collar and fiddle with the leash, and he waits and rests a bit.

When we get home, he follows me upstairs. It’s a huge effort, the stairs, and one he does not make as often any more. He prefers to be near me, around people, and even that is too hard for him now.

There is only one possible ending to every story.

I’m in no hurry.

Categories // All By Myself, Dog Days Tags // pets

Good Things: Closet Space

12.11.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

I’m coming up with a list of Good Things About Being Divorced, and this is Item Number One: twice the closet space.

It’s one of those things I didn’t think of when I was unhappily married and considering leaving. I thought about practical things like health insurance and mortgage payments. But closet space, so eminently practical? Twice as much of it? It never crossed my mind.

To date, it hasn’t really mattered all that much in my day to day life – after I removed his clothes and sent them to him, right after he left, I moved some things around so that the closet didn’t look so bare on one side, and that was it.

But with my sudden shoe-and-clothing windfall, I decide it’s time to purge. I spend an evening tearing through my closet. Gone are the worn-out sweaters, the clunky shoes, the socks I am sure I will find the mates to, eventually. I fill a large bag with trash, and a couple more with donations.

I get to that special drawer – the one full of silky things bought either with him, or with him in mind. I dump the contents into an anonymous trash bag. I cannot think of an occasion on which I would wear any of this again – something similar, certainly. But not this.

It’s not really the kind of stuff you donate, but it’s all perfectly good. I hate to just throw it away.

It occurs to me that perhaps the person for whom all this was bought would appreciate having it.

It’s a generous idea, when you think about it. It wasn’t on the list of things he asked for, and I’m giving it to him anyway.

I’m nice that way.

I put the bag into the garage with The Departed’s things, to be picked up by movers in just a few days.

A couple of days later, I buy a couple pairs of boxer shorts, run them through the wash and use them around the kitchen for a day or so. So they look, you know, not new. I toss them into the anonymous trash bag too, which helpfully labeled “personal effects.”

The Departed wears briefs. But you knew that.

Categories // All By Myself, The Divorce Tags // divorce, single

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