The problem, of course, with collecting on any judgment against The Foreigner, or obtaining the documents he refused to produce, is this: He lives in another country. Sure you can do this stuff, but it gets difficult and time-consuming and, oh yes, expensive. I had mostly let it all go because I didn’t really need the child support and I was happy that The Child now had the college account that he had promised to her in our original divorce agreement.

I asked The Lawyer about this when my current woes began, because I was aware that a significant amount of fines had accrued. Can I collect this somehow? I asked.

It’s tough, he told me. I am not sure, because he did part of what was required – but not all. Start trying to collect it on your own, at least – send him letters, at least – so that if you decide to pursue it, you can show you’ve made the effort.

I might not be able to collect it all, and the expense and difficulty involved might outweigh what I might, maybe collect.

But The Foreigner doesn’t know this. And at the moment, he’s pissing me off.

Rather than pay the American medical bills for his American child, The Foreigner has a much better idea – what I should have done, and what he insists I must do next time: send her to the Netherlands. There, she can receive medical care that is either free or costs 360 euros per month, depending on what point The Foreigner is trying to make.

In the flurry of emails, I decide that this is a good time to remind him that he’s in contempt of court – something he has been for nearly six years.

The short version of the story: He applied for a child support support modification, insisting to the court that he was poverty-stricken, could barely feed the two children he’s had with his second wife. He provided a great deal of documentation in support of this point, showing he has barely any income in spite of having a master’s degree in electrical engineering and a very wealthy family from whom he has inherited considerable sums of money and property over the years.

I was astonished to learn that in Washington State, every time you produce another child, you are entitled to reduce the amount of support you pay the children you already have. My lawyer at the time explained that the courts believe these additional children should not have to suffer, and I guess I see the point, but it seems to me that my own child – who was there first and who his second wife was fully aware of when she produced these children – should still have priority.

I know, I’m greedy and needy.

So, when we had our day in court, I argued that he had not fully disclosed his assets, which included a large piece of commercial real estate – occupied by renters.

The Foreigner argued that he co-owned this with members of his family, and therefore it was none of the court’s business, and furthermore, his family refused to turn over any documentation for that reason.

The judge did not like this answer, and ordered him to turn over the documents showing the value of the property and the income it generated.

And when he didn’t, the judge fined him $25 a day until he produced the documents.

There were some other things involved – he ordered The Foreigner to produce a college account for The Child, which he actually did; he ordered to The Foreigner to pay my legal bills, which he partly did; and he gave The Foreigner a reduction in his child support.

So, like everything with The Foreigner, it’s a little bit muddy, but the fact remains: I have a court judgment showing that for six years, he’s been accruing fines of $25 a day.

I’ll spare you the trouble of doing the math: $54,ooo in fines.

And counting.

Watching the bills mount on my end, I become frustrated. Somehow I’m always the one who ends up paying everything. I sulk and whine to myself, It’s Not Fair.

But then I remember, The Child has another parent: The Foreigner. He’s not much of a parent – what with not having seen her since she was three and all – so mostly he serves as Exhibit A on the list of evidence that proves I should not be allowed to marry. The fact is, though, it is possible to collect money from him, even in the Netherlands, and he’s legally on the hook for just under half of any medical bill for the child over $50.

I would say a nearly $4,000 medical bill falls into that category.

This came up once before, and as I recall, before the state will start collection proceedings on my behalf, they require that I make “a good faith effort” to obtain the payment myself. So, I scan a copy of the bill and send it to him in an email.

As per the terms of support payment:

I have a medical bill for your daughter for neuropsychological services, in the amount of $3650.00. Your share of this bill is 44% or US$1606. Prompt payment is appreciated as I have already paid the bill in full.

I note also that your account balance is some $2900 in arrears for regular support; kindly bring this up-to-date. The bill copy is attached.

He wastes no time replying:

You think I am some sort of pot of gold on the horizon. Instead of
informing me of the cost afterwards. Why do you not inform me beforehand what you want to do. I would like to have a say in things like this where you spend lots of money.

She can receive FREE medical care over here until she is 18 years old. I think US$3650 would cover the cost of an airline ticket, now wouldn’t it.

This is half my montly paycheck. I cannot pay you this just like that out of my pocket !

I will inform you what I can do, after I get more information from you.

I reply and remind him of a few key points; to begin with, that I have sole custody of her, which was something he willingly agreed to in our divorce mediation, such was his haste to leave the country. I try to soften it a bit – a large unexpected bill is a shock for anyone, myself included.  I tell him I wasn’t thrilled about it myself, it was a most unfortunate circumstance – yet there is a bill that must be paid.

He replies, reluctantly conceded that sole custody “may” mean I don’t need to consult him, and then informing me that he pays 360 euros a month for his family’s health care. I thought he had just said it was free but, as usual, I must have misunderstood.

I’m stupid that way.

He clarifies:

Again, you ignored my comment about free 100% health care coverage in the Netherlands.

360 euros a month for 100% free care? Only in the Netherlands, or only in his mind? I give up. I don’t really care, I’m just trying to make the “good faith effort” the state says I must make.

The state doesn’t say I have to argue with him, but I’m so utterly frustrated with everything, a good fight by email is starting to feel cathartic.