Fertility Treatments, Canceled Abruptly: $35,000

Down Payment on a Large, Luxury Car for the Anticipated Larger Family: $9,000

Payments Made on Large Luxury Car Until It Was Sold: $7,000

“Family Vacation” Trip to Paris (since “we won’t have any more trips after child is born”): $15,000

Medical Bills Resulting From Insurance Cancellation: $4,000

My Legal Bills: $13,000

His Legal Bills: $20,000 (estimated based on subpoenaed bank statements)

Final Tally: $103,000

This figure omits some items, like the cost of health insurance I was forced to pay after he canceled the insurance I received at no charge through his employer ($3,000); as well as the $30,000 I had to pay him to remain in the house.

You get the idea.

So, what do you do when you’re a 44-year-old woman whose husband backs out of your IVF before it is completed?

I asked the doctor, first, if donor sperm was an option. Not this late in the process, he told me, for reasons too convoluted to explain here: Not possible.

The doctor suggested that since we had come so far, we go ahead and surgically withdraw whatever eggs we could manage to retrieve and instead of fertilizing them as planned, freeze them. The idea is that maybe, someday, I can use them.

The surgeon was able to retrieve seven eggs, of which three were considered sufficiently mature to use, and put into cryogenic storage.

A high-tech Hope Chest, if you will.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s something along the lines of, I thought this was a dating and/or cooking blog.

It’s partly that.

This is a blog about what it’s like to move forward when someone takes something from you that cannot be replaced.

It meant everything to me, and nothing to him. It was just something he did.

This is a blog about what happens when you discover one day that, because of the actions of another, the thing you have wanted your entire life is beyond your grasp. You simply cannot achieve it anymore.

What do you do then?

You go forward, and open yourself up to all the possibilities you had never considered.