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The Divorce: Medical Bills

11.26.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

Watching the bills mount on my end, I become frustrated. Somehow I’m always the one who ends up paying everything. I sulk and whine to myself, It’s Not Fair.

But then I remember, The Child has another parent: The Foreigner. He’s not much of a parent – what with not having seen her since she was three and all – so mostly he serves as Exhibit A on the list of evidence that proves I should not be allowed to marry. The fact is, though, it is possible to collect money from him, even in the Netherlands, and he’s legally on the hook for just under half of any medical bill for the child over $50.

I would say a nearly $4,000 medical bill falls into that category.

This came up once before, and as I recall, before the state will start collection proceedings on my behalf, they require that I make “a good faith effort” to obtain the payment myself. So, I scan a copy of the bill and send it to him in an email.

As per the terms of support payment:

I have a medical bill for your daughter for neuropsychological services, in the amount of $3650.00. Your share of this bill is 44% or US$1606. Prompt payment is appreciated as I have already paid the bill in full.

I note also that your account balance is some $2900 in arrears for regular support; kindly bring this up-to-date. The bill copy is attached.

He wastes no time replying:

You think I am some sort of pot of gold on the horizon. Instead of
informing me of the cost afterwards. Why do you not inform me beforehand what you want to do. I would like to have a say in things like this where you spend lots of money.

She can receive FREE medical care over here until she is 18 years old. I think US$3650 would cover the cost of an airline ticket, now wouldn’t it.

This is half my montly paycheck. I cannot pay you this just like that out of my pocket !

I will inform you what I can do, after I get more information from you.

I reply and remind him of a few key points; to begin with, that I have sole custody of her, which was something he willingly agreed to in our divorce mediation, such was his haste to leave the country. I try to soften it a bit – a large unexpected bill is a shock for anyone, myself included.  I tell him I wasn’t thrilled about it myself, it was a most unfortunate circumstance – yet there is a bill that must be paid.

He replies, reluctantly conceded that sole custody “may” mean I don’t need to consult him, and then informing me that he pays 360 euros a month for his family’s health care. I thought he had just said it was free but, as usual, I must have misunderstood.

I’m stupid that way.

He clarifies:

Again, you ignored my comment about free 100% health care coverage in the Netherlands.

360 euros a month for 100% free care? Only in the Netherlands, or only in his mind? I give up. I don’t really care, I’m just trying to make the “good faith effort” the state says I must make.

The state doesn’t say I have to argue with him, but I’m so utterly frustrated with everything, a good fight by email is starting to feel cathartic.

Categories // The Divorce Tags // child support, divorce, single parenting

Tale of Woe: Child Support

06.25.2012 by J. Doe // 1 Comment

The date of the hearing arrives.

A day before, the hearing coordinator sends me documents he received from The Foreigner. The Foreigner wants to know why The Child – his child – is being sent to “luxurious entertainment programs” on his dime.

The “luxurious” programs he is complaining about are summer camps. He doesn’t feel he should have to pay for things like “theater camp,” because it isn’t “child care.” He cites Wikipedia’s definition of child care in support of his argument.

He doesn’t say what he thinks should be done with The Child during school breaks – when she is signed up for camps so that I can work.

One of us needs to pay the bills, after all.

The DSHS has produced a spreadsheet of the amounts paid by him, and show that he has accrued about $2,000 in child care arrears. He submits his own math, showing that I actually owe him $770 that he has overpaid.

I decide it’s best if I say as little as possible at the hearing, and let him do the talking.

The hearing is a phone conference call, first thing in the morning. The judge walks us through all the documents, numbering each separate page of each child-care receipt for the past four years.

Now, does he dispute that I incurred these charges? She asks.

No, he says. I dispute that these are legitimate child care expenses. I am sent these outrageous bills and never asked if it’s okay with me. I just get the bills.

He forgets to mention that he signed away his right to be consulted about anything when he gave me sole custody eleven years ago.

The judge doesn’t have that document so she asks me if I’m required to get his approval on these things. No, I tell her.

Well, she says, why have you selected these programs?

I explain that The Child is in school, so we only need child care when school is out, and camp fits the bill. Also, it’s very cost-effective, I tell her. That theater camp, for example, works out to $7.50 an hour for child care, as opposed to $12 an hour, the going rate for babysitters in this area.

Well, she says, would you say you choose these camps because they best meet your child’s needs? Allow her to be more active, maybe?

I think to myself, well, obviously, but then realize: It’s not actually obvious to all the parties.

Yes, of course, I say.

She turns her questions back to The Foreigner. Do you feel these programs are not appropriate for this child?

Well, he says, I would have a hard time answering that as I’ve not seen any of the programs, and haven’t seen the child for many years.

So, the judge asks, What exactly is your objection then? Do you not understand the reasons for these programs’ selection?

Well, he says, it costs a ridiculous amount of money. I can’t even feed my own children. When I want to go out, I have a neighbor look after my children or a family member. That doesn’t cost anything. She spends my money very freely.

I am thinking: she is your own child, too. I am looking at pictures on his website of his family ski vacation.

But I say nothing.

The judge says, Do you understand that she has no legal obligation to use free care provided by family members for this child?

Yes, he says.

The judge thanks everyone, and concludes. She will render her decision, and we will receive it by mail.

Two days later, as promised, I receive the verdict: A $36 monthly increase in child support payments, and $2,000 in arrears are awarded to me.


Categories // The Divorce Tags // child support, single parenting, The Foreigner

Tales of Woe: Child Support, Part 2

05.15.2012 by J. Doe // Leave a Comment

You didn’t really think The Foreigner was going to take that lying down, did you? He applied to get his support reduced, and it went up instead.

He’s legally entitled to a hearing,  and he demands one.

I get a notice in the mail for a hearing by phone.

The day before the hearing, a DCS coordinator calls me and asks me to walk him through the paperwork. I am very frustrated – I have mounds of legal paperwork to deal with to rid myself of The Departed – I don’t have the time and energy for this. I vent.

He pays me so little and now we have to waste our time with this, I say. I pay far more than this. I always have. I don’t even understand where that $25 number came from, now you say $75 a month but if that’s right it always should have been more. I just thought if I left him alone with that sweet deal he’d leave me alone.

He listens. He asks more questions. He suggests I mention some of this at the hearing, and suggests how I might phrase some of these things for the judge. He says, in passing, these payments don’t look right to me. But he doesn’t really know, he’s just there to coordinate the hearing, he says.

I’m confused and frustrated and just want to be left alone, I say.

We all dial into the hearing. There is a judge, and she starts talking. We each take turns speaking when she asks a question.

She is sympathetic to The Foreigner’s assertion that the bookkeeping hasn’t been done properly, and she agrees it should have been done properly.

In fact, she says, looking at it, it looks like perhaps we should go back to 2008 and make sure all the payments are in order. These payments you’ve been making may not be right, and we should get this all straightened out. If there’s been over- or under-payment, then we should add or subtract that from future payments. But we’d need a formal review and another hearing.

Would you like to do that? she asks him.

No … no, he says. I’m not asking for that. I just mean going forward.

Would you like to do that? she asks me.

Actually, yes I would, I say.

He starts to argue.

She says it’s not his turn to talk.

We are granted a continuance so the Division of Child Support can do all the back calculations, determine the full amount of arrears, and calculate his new payment.

The hearing coordinator calls me the next day, to let me know the name of the person I need to work with to get all the receipts collected, and what exactly the judge will want to see. To expedite things and make sure it’s all done properly.

I’m a neutral party, he says, just here to help the process run smoothly.

Thank you, I reply.

Categories // The Divorce Tags // child support, divorce, The Foreigner

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