I really, really need to be divorced. Like, now.

The Departed moved out in October, and I’ve been here in the marital house since then, managing the massive piles of debt he left behind, paying for the giant car I don’t need, the giant house I don’t need, and so on. I get by but I’m spending an awful lot of money on things I don’t need that are painful reminders of a past I am not being allowed to move away from.

Because moving forward is something The Departed won’t do.

Moving at all is a challenge for him, in any direction, for any reason. When I married him, I was looking for stable, but I mistakenly selected immobile instead.

You know how sometimes you’re at a store or restaurant and you order something – say, it looks like strawberry jam, but you get cherry jam instead, but you don’t mind because it’s really good?

This mistake was nothing like that.

So this week, I decided I wanted to move, found a house that I liked that would save me $500 a month on my bills, but I was unable to sign a lease because I could not reach my attorney. Found another house, but the attorney reminded me that even if I sign a lease and move I’m still liable for this mortgage and if The Departed refuses to pay or take action, they’re still coming after me. So he is “working on it” and I remain in limbo.

The house decided it didn’t want me to move, too – the spring the holds up the garage door snapped, and the door came crashing down with my car trapped inside.

For three days.

I’ll spare you the story about how the repair guy lost my appointment and said he couldn’t fit me in for another two weeks.

I spent some quality time this week crying on the phone to my attorney, and not caring that he was billing me $250 an hour for the privilege.

So this week from hell is finally almost over, and I needed a treat, and had very little bandwidth to create one. But, as we know, Nutella makes everything better, so I improvised a quick little treat with just two ingredients.

I’m kind of ashamed of myself pretending this is a recipe, but I will anyway:

Pain de Nutella

Ingredients:

Nutella

a tube of refrigerated Crescent dough

Break apart dough into triangles. Put a teaspoon-sized dollop of nutella at the base of each triangle, and roll up as usual. Bake as directed on package.

They’re best enjoyed straight out of the oven, with your eyes closed so you can pretend you’re in a Paris cafe.

This is my contribution to Weekend Cooking, hosted by Beth Fish Reads. Why not swing by and see what other culinary and literary delights await?