I get a wink on match.com, and check out his profile: decent-looking, age 44, and like me, interested in cooking.

The one flag here is that at age 44, he lists himself as “never married,” which in my universe means, “I have commitment issues.” But that’s okay because I’ve developed some commitment issues myself recently and wouldn’t mind just hanging out for a bit.

So I wink back.

I hear nothing for a couple of weeks. I also don’t give it much thought past, What was the point of that? And then an email appears in my box:

Thanks for returning my wink. I see we both have a strong interest in food. Any favorite cookbooks you would give your endorsement to? Any interest in meeting for a conversation? I hope this does not sound harsh but if you work for Bank of America I’m not interested in meeting.

Now, I had mentioned in my profile that I work at an investment bank, and in an attempt at humor, added the request that prospective matches please not picket my house. If you’re that upset about the evils the big banks have inflicted on the 99%, why are you answering my ad in the first place?

And another thing, maybe I need this job. Maybe I’m a single mother with no other way of paying my bills and the only job I could get to feed my child was with an evil empire? Would it be wrong then? Think carefully.

I debate with myself for several days about how to respond. I come up with a long, involved story about why I work for Bank of America so my child won’t starve but am actually a whistleblower helping to uncover their abusive practices and send regular reports to the Attorney General.

I don’t bother to reply.

I get a message via match: He’s clicked the “Sorry, but I’m not interested” button. Match sends me an automated email telling me not to feel discouraged, with helpful suggestions as to who else might be more interested.

I chuckle.

Now that I’ve agreed to go on a date with Bachelor #3, we exchange actual email addresses and make plans for our date the following week. In the meantime, he sends me emails. Lots of emails. I reply.

86 emails in one day.

I give him my phone number. He calls me and we talk – for two hours or so. Late into the evening.

It’s all I can do to get off the phone, even at eleven pm.

When I’m off the phone, it’s all I can do to remember what his voice sounds like, except that it’s the voice of a boy – unnervingly young. It troubles me that I cannot remember the sound of his voice.

I’ve read books and articles about how memory works: first things go into your short term memory, and from there they are filed away into your long-term memory. But if you don’t have time to process them properly – like, say, you are in a car accident and lose consciousness – then they don’t get filed away in your long-term memory. They are gone forever.

Or, if for your every waking moment, your attention is consumed by something else. My daughter had observed this phenomenon when I was married to The Departed: I repeated myself constantly, asked her the same questions over and over, sometimes minutes apart during the car ride home from school. My life felt empty, but my brain was engaged, constantly – elsewhere.

But at the time, I don’t think of this. I don’t have time.

The emails between myself and Bachelor #3 go back and forth, back and forth. It’s almost Christmas, and it’s quiet at work, and I can’t quite concentrate anyway. He’s taking a two-week staycation, but has no plans, so he has lots of time to email back and forth, back and forth.

Match has an IM system, which he catches me on. We chat back and forth, back and forth.

My daughter is bored. She’s on staycation, too, and not getting a lot of attention.

He’s still chatting, late into the evening. I say, I have to go watch Glee with my daughter now, and when he does not stop chatting, I simply walk away.

When I return, I see he’s been attempting to discuss the various plot points with me via IM.

I resume the conversation, and he finally, hesitantly asks, How soon is too soon to meet someone you’ve met on Match?

I think: the sooner the better – why waste all kinds of time getting to know someone in a virtual world only to meet them and discover they’re stinky or something?

I say: If you are trying to ask me out, send me an email and try your luck. You never know.

Then I go to bed.

The next morning, I have an email in my box that he has sent within five minutes of receiving my IM. It reads:

I’ve really enjoyed our conversations. You’re smart, funny and have a pretty smile. Would you like to meet up for coffee or lunch? As you know, I’m on vacation…Not that I’m trying to rub it in. 😉 I’m busy with my son on Saturday but I’m free after 8 on Saturday or any other time you’re free. I can meet during the week if that works better for you. I can promise good conversation and at least 5 laughs. More if you have a good sense of humor. What do you say?

I’m a little concerned – I feel like I have no life at the moment, and yet I am not free any time someone else is free. Not by a longshot.

But I say, fine. That sounds great.